A Quantum Vacuum Nothing for Christmas

By Lawrence Krauss and the Moral Supporters
To the tune of “Nuttin’ for Christmas”

LK: I broke my math on Bill Craig’s head.
MS: Nobody ever told me.
LK: That quantum vacuums are not nothing.
MS: You gotta be kidding me.
LK: I filled the place with words and rants,
Cashed my publisher’s advance,
Bought some big new brown floor mats,
Nobody ever told me.

So I’m getting nothing for Christmas.
Melbourne and Brisbane went bad.
I’m getting nothing for Christmas,
But I think that nothing is rad.

LK: I tried to edit one email.
MS: You’ve got to be kidding me.
LK: Al Vilenkin snitched on me.
MS: We can’t take you seriously.
LK: Two plus two is five.
MS: So dumb!
LK: My buzzer is really plumb.
I’ll talk til my lips are numb.
Nobody’s gonna beat me.

Cause I’m getting nothing for Christmas!
Quantum equations are fab!
Quantum vacuums are my Christmas!
They are quite unstable not drab.

LK: I don’t believe in a First Cause.
MS: You gotta be kidding me.
LK: I’d rather believe in Santa Claus.
MS: Are you kidding me?
LK: He checked his list not twice but thrice, couldn’t find me!
MS: But you’re so nice!
LK: I just want to put God on ice.
MS: Santa says he’s naughty.

O, nothing is something for Christmas!
Christmas and nothing are grand!
From nothing comes something on some day,
I just hope it’s not something bad.

LK: I can’t stand philosophy.
MS: Now you’re telling me.
LK: Who can think that way? Not me!
MS: So think scientifically!
LK: All those arguments are bad!
MS: Who believes them?
LK: Undergrads!
MS: They’re so dumb with their iPads!
LK: They should all just believe me!

O, I’m getting nothing for Christmas!
Dawkins and Denton are mad.
What’s wrong with nothing for Christmas?
Somehow they think I’m getting had.

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